"If you don't like it, you can always leave."
It is one of the most toxic phrases someone can hear in the workplace.
Not because it talks about leaving.
But because of the message hidden beneath it:
"If you're struggling, the problem must be you."
Perhaps that's why so many people come to believe that Sunday night anxiety, the fear of opening their inbox on Monday morning, or the constant feeling of never being "good enough" are simply part of professional life.
They are not.
As a clinical psychologist, I increasingly hear individuals seeking help for anxiety, emotional exhaustion, or depression. Yet, as we explore their experiences, a common denominator often emerges: it wasn't the work itself that harmed their mental health—it was the relationships within the workplace.
And yet, we speak far less about toxic workplace relationships than we do about toxic romantic or family relationships.
Why?
Perhaps because we've normalized them.
"That's just how the manager is."
"You have to be tough if you want to succeed."
"Every workplace is like this."
But where does normal workplace stress end, and where does toxicity begin?
When does a workplace become a risk factor for mental health?
A professional relationship becomes toxic when it repeatedly leaves someone feeling unsafe, diminished, anxious, or emotionally drained.
This may include:
constant criticism without constructive feedback
excessive control and lack of autonomy
exclusion from important information or decisions
manipulation and guilt-inducing behavior
favoritism
intimidation or humiliation, even when disguised as "just a joke"
a persistent lack of respect for personal boundaries
The challenge is that these behaviors are not always obvious. Sometimes they are so subtle that the person experiencing them begins to believe they are the problem.
What happens to our mind and body?
Our brain does not clearly distinguish between physical threats and social threats. When we are repeatedly exposed to a hostile environment, our stress response remains activated for prolonged periods.
Over time, this may lead to:
anxiety
sleep disturbances
difficulty concentrating
irritability
reduced self-esteem
emotional exhaustion and burnout
depressive symptoms
and, in some cases, trauma-related responses
From a clinical perspective, it is not uncommon for people seeking treatment for anxiety or depression to discover that one of the primary sources of their distress is their work environment.
The most dangerous form of workplace toxicity is the one that feels "normal"
Perhaps the greatest problem is not that conflict exists. The real problem is that, in many organizations, unhealthy behaviors become embedded in the culture. Working excessive hours is mistaken for commitment. Being available at all times is mistaken for professionalism. Fear is mistaken for discipline. Burnout is mistaken for success.
When these messages are repeated often enough, people begin to believe that it is normal to wake up dreading work, to carry a constant knot in their stomach, or to spend every Sunday evening overwhelmed by anxiety.
It isn't normal. It has simply become common. And those are not the same thing.
How can toxic workplace relationships be prevented?
Prevention is not about eliminating conflict. It is about creating a psychologically safe environment where respect is the norm rather than the exception.
At an individual level, prevention involves:
recognizing early warning signs
establishing healthy boundaries
communicating assertively
seeking support when necessary
refusing to confuse resilience with tolerating mistreatment
At an organizational level, prevention requires:
clear anti-harassment and anti-bullying policies
leaders trained in communication and emotional intelligence
safe and confidential reporting mechanisms
a culture built on respect, collaboration, and constructive feedback
Psychological safety is not an employee benefit.
It is one of the essential foundations of sustainable performance, innovation, and mental well-being.
And now, a question that may make us uncomfortable...
How many of us have said we left a job because of the workload... when, in reality, we left because of the people?
Both clinical experience and research consistently point in the same direction: people rarely leave organizations—they leave relationships that make them feel invisible, undervalued, or constantly on edge.
What do you think is the earliest—or most subtle—sign that a workplace has become toxic?
Have you ever experienced a behavior you once accepted as "normal," but now recognize as psychologically unhealthy?